How long have I been on Chantix now? Almost two weeks. I only have one day of pills left in the second package. Daaaaaang. I'm beginning to get used to the stuff.
Actually... OK, I'm going to be honest. I know my fabulous sister Amy reads the blog, so Amy -- don't beat me up, OK? (Amy is SUCH A GODDESS OF SELF-CONTROL!!!!!!!!! She still hasn't smoked -- it's been FIVE DAYS!!!! I want to be like her if I ever grow up.)
OK. Today was rough. And I haven't even quit yet. I've got a whole week to get ready to quit. But oh, if there are lots of days like today, I am not looking forward to that August 20th Quit Date.
I wanted cigarettes today. I'm still hardly smoking anything compared to two weeks ago, but ... I know I've smoked almost a pack today. And that was with me holding myself back from lighting up every time I wanted to smoke. I'm sitting here, right now, looking at my dwindling pack of cigarettes and thinking, "I surely would like to have one of those right now."
At the very same time, today was one of the really badly nauseated days. I took my pill this morning on a totally full stomach, and I still got whomped upside the head [<-- that's an authentic Tennessee expression] with the nausea. I think I slept more than I was awake today, just in an effort to get away from the nausea. At one point, I was really scared I was going to.... y'know... worship the porcelain god. [I'm Southern. We use euphemisms for unpleasant things.]
There is this part of me -- this juvenile, immature, stubborn, wrong part of me -- that says, "I'm a grown-up! Tobacco is legal! I Can, Too, Smoke!!!!"
I have heard from that voice before. That's the voice that has ruined me every time I've tried to quit. I've got to stop listening to that stupid, whiny, petty little voice in my head.
When I have saved up my cigarette money, I'm going to take a cruise to the Bahamas. I need to apply for a passport, but I've decided that is what I'm doing with my cigarette money. Anyone who wants to come with -- well, just hollah.
[NOTE: I bought a single pack of cigarettes today for the first time in ages. I mean, I have bought singles over the last week or so, but with gum or Diet Dr. Peppers or whatever. So I didn't know EXACTLY how much my cigarettes cost. I was pleasantly deluded that way for ... years. So. It turns out. My cigarettes. Capri Menthol 120's. Cost. FIVE DOLLARS AND TWENTY-FIVE CENTS PER PACK!!!!!! I am so not making that up. And I am, of course, totally horrified. And simultaneously overjoyed. Because, man, I am going to save a fortune when I quit!]
[Can you tell I'm a little manic by all my yelling and exclamation points? I apologize. Rough day. Honest.]
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
You'll make it, Bay. You are doing just fine. Even at the start of Chantix but before my quit date I had some days when I smoked more than the other days.
On the nausea, mine came and went at various points (right now, it's back, so I plan accordingly for times it's not bad - after a small lunch and right before bed). Everyone is different on what works, but for me a medium meal (not too heavy, not too light) was the key. With water. Lots of water. Before I knew it, my morning coffee was all I needed. Until it wasn't again ;)
Yay Amy! Another day!
I spent so many years buying single packs instead of cartons because I kept thinking I was really close to quitting again. All that money.
Sign me up for somewhere really awesome because I want to go!
Really, Bay, don't worry about wanting to smoke more today. You still have some time to keep getting ready, and you are going to do just fine.
Just to make it clear - whatever you smoke now is not getting to your brain. Chantix blocks it. So if you're still smoking, it's not because your body demands it, it's because your mind does. I'm wondering if you have a clear understanding of that?
Smoking IS expensive. Marlboro costs like $5.00 a pack here in Cali. My poor friends in NYC, they dash out up to $9.00/pack. Yickes.
Y'know, I've read this entry a couple of times and I'm going to have to disagree with you. I'm not a goddess. I don't have superpowers. I'm tempted frequently to just get in the car, go buy some cigarettes, and enjoy having a smoke.
I'm lucky in that I have a non-smoking workplace and it's 110 degrees outside these days. I don't have to go stand in the heat to have a smoke. My little sticky friend is slipping me the dope right through my skin. (Now, how I'll do without my adhesive buddy is yet to be seen.)
Here's the catch: I really need you to quit with me. I don't want to pressure you, but my dream of being a non-smoker includes you being a non-smoker, too. Until you quit, I'm just in the preliminary stages of quitting. Once you're in this with me, we're fighting the good fight together!
Coconut cake is now sitting on the counter waiting to cool, which it needs to do before I go to bed so that I can slather it with yummy goodness first. This is all your fault! ;) Tom is beside himself with anticipation for tomorrow.
Hope you are hanging in there today!
Post a Comment