Hard time keeping up

Chantix Day 30; Quit Day 10

I keep making cards to keep my hands busy. My husband finds this very curious. He comes home from work and finds that half the living room is taken up with my papercrafting supplies, and I shrug and tell him, "Would you like to buy me a pack of cigarettes?"

Truthfully, I'm doing pretty well. No Chantix nausea; continuing vivid dreams that I can live with.

Yesterday Wesley helped to distract me by taking me to a motorcycle dealership.

Wesley (my husband of 20+ years) loves motorcycles. He used to have one, but he sold it a few years ago. I think I always knew that someday he would buy another motorcycle. He's so cute about motorcycles. I mean, it's like watching a little boy's enthusiasm whenever Wesley sees a Triumph.

So we went to a motorcycle dealer and Wesley drooled over the Triumphs that he says he won't buy for another ten years. (He's gonna retire in about ten years, at which point he'll want a motorcycle.) (So he says.)

I was just standing there thinking, "I have already saved a month's payment on this motorcycle... just from not smoking for ten days...."

But I am a selfish, spoiled brat, because I don't want to spend my savings on a motorcycle. I want to spend my savings on *me*.

So after the motorcycle dealership, I took me and Wesley and our son to a hamburger place that costs 'way more than burgers should cost. But OMG, they are divine burgers. I enjoyed that immensely and thanked myself the entire time for not buying cigarettes instead of those burgers!

Then my parrot Cosmo bit the daylights out of me. Long story. I cried and wished I had a cigarette to console me.

The thing is -- I didn't buy cigarettes. I didn't smoke. And I woke up and made it all the way through Thursday without buying cigarettes and smoking, even though I thought about it a lot.

I am not hanging out with Get Quit the way I should -- but somehow I'm making it through despite myself. I just tell myself "no," and I move on. I eat a sugar-free mint; I make a card; I distract myself in one way or another, I keep taking Chantix; And I Haven't Smoked In More Than Ten Days.

That's crazy.

And it's wonderful.

I think I might be a non-smoker in another couple of months.

Wouldn't that be cool?