I woke up this morning with a Sheryl Crow song running through my head.First of all, I dreamt that I was smoking, and being one of those vivid Chantix dreams, I became very upset. I couldn't remember buying cigarettes; I couldn't remember lighting a cigarette, but there I was in the dream, puffing away.
Upon waking and realizing it was just a dream, I determined that I have had too wimpy an attitude about quitting.
I've now made it 8 entire days without a cigarette. If I fall off the wagon now, I have to do these 8 days all over again. That's about 200 hours out of my life. And they haven't been completely rosy, but they haven't been completely horrid, either. Do I really want to waste these first 8 days for nothing?
So I need to stop thinking such weak, longing thoughts about cigarettes. I just gotta. I don't want to vilify them or the people who still smoke them -- but I can't keep telling myself it's OK for *me* to smoke just because tobacco is legal. That doesn't solve anything.
Thank goodness for Maggie's blog and her blissful Linky Loos. In particular, this morning I found the ingredients list especially inspiring. *Formaldehyde*. For heaven's sake. Formaldehyde! Yeah, I knew it was there, in a vague, "I'm a smoker and I don't care cuz I luvs me my cigarettes" kind of way. But now I'm forcing myself to really consider that. Formaldehyde. Like the stuff that they preserve dead things in before you have to dissect those dead things in biology class. And man, I hated dissecting. It smelled so much like -- formaldehyde!
Can't believe I've been smoking formaldehyde for 22 years.
Definitely time for a change.
After deciding to change my attitude, I had to go back to see the doctor, which was nice. My blood pressure is down, but not down far enough for the doctor's comfort. So I have to take some bp drugs and go back in another 3 months. Hmmmm.
And then I came home and started making cards to keep my hands busy. Well, I had to do something! I've been washing the same windows for days. A change did me good!
2 comments:
I always wanted to learn how to knit. I even tried to teach myself (which yielded some incredibly stupid looking not-scarves). I REALLY want to learn now. I need something to do with my hands other than twitch and reach for food :(
I hear you, Bay. I have no desire to pass any kind of judgment on anyone else who smokes, but for me, nope. For you, the formaldehyde, for me the cadmium (um, like battery acid type stuff) and ammonia (yep, like the cleaner - makes the nicotine work faster to make better addicts) - there are enough (4000+) things in a cigarette so that we can each think one or two different ones are really, really just freakish.
I think a tough attitude with yourself about smoking is a good thing. I also think that smoking dreams are fairly normal when quitting (I've had a few, one even last night), so I wouldn't worry about it meaning much other than that quitting smoking is on your mind a bit lately ;)
You are doing great. Keep going!
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