Well. I made it 20 hours and ten minutes if you include sleep hours.
I made it 11 hours and forty minutes if you just count the waking hours.
My kids are shocked and amazed I made it this long -- they've seen other cessation methods come and go, after all. And they read some of the Chantix blogs and seem to have really picked up on that "maybe 7 days of Chantix isn't enough for some people" theory.
I'm not gonna fall apart. I'm going to keep taking the Chantix, pick another Quit Day, and try again. I've read too many success stories to give up on myself too quickly. This battle is not over.
The day was, I have to say, very, very difficult, and I spent most of it just trying to get through one minute to the next. *Exhausting*. We worked on installing the new faucet, and at one point in the afternoon, hot and frustrated, I threw down a crescent wrench and yelled at the top of my lungs, "I JUST WANT A CIGARETTE, DANG IT!" I made it through that moment and a whole bunch of others.
But when I was watching TV in the evening... Oh, my gosh, I thought I was gonna die. I was crawling out of my skin. I wanted to smoke so badly. I tried to walk it off; I tried to breathe it out. I drank a glass of water. (And man, I do not like water.) I drank a Diet Dr. Pepper in gulps. (Because caffeine and fizz are so lovely any time.) I tried to play with paper. I tried to stamp a card. I tried to just sit still and concentrate on the TV.
I cried.
That's when I realized, OK, I am not ready for this quite yet.
I called my sister, I went out, and I bought a pack of cigarettes. I drove all the way home. (I live in the boonies, so I have to actually *drive* ten miles to get to a convenience store that's open past 10:00 at night.) I sat down, turned down the volume on the TV, and opened the pack of cigarettes sloooooowly. Relished it. Smoked the cigarette and nearly cried again from the relief.
Yeah. I think it was too soon to try to quit.
Oh, one strange little note: The pack of cigarettes I bought isn't even my regular brand. No one around here carries them, because I warned my nearest store that I was going to quit, and the owner didn't order any more of the Capri Menthol 120's. So I really am gonna hafta quit. I'm affecting the entire economic stability of my whole neighborhood!
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8 comments:
I was exactly where you are on my Day 8. You might want to consider adjusting like I did. Maybe speak to your doctor or pharmacist about it. There was just no way I could make it on Day 8. Luckily, people like Maggie and Stan encouraged me to keep on trying. I don't want to act like I'm this fount of all wisdom now that it's been a whole day for me. And maybe I will slip up again. But I do feel so much better about things now and I really DO feel like I can do this.
You hang in there. We're all rooting for you!!!
Another day. Not "never." Just another day. Maybe tomorrow or the day after. This isn't failure -- it's just the scenic route to success.
I'm still so proud of you for making it so long! Keep going, Bay! You'll make it!!!!
Bay, first, do not be too hard on yourself, and second, do keep trying!
I happened to talk to my friend J last night (the one whose mom I posted on my blog about today), and we talked about how Day 8 is probably not so realistic for plenty of people. It was too soon for him, too soon for me, too soon for Tasina who just left a great comment, and it sounds like too soon for you and plenty of others, too. You are in good company.
All this means is that Day 8 wasn't it for you and that it will just be a different day in the very near future.
My two cents (yes, I'm not a doctor, and it's just my experience) would be to keep taking your Chantix, keep gearing up to quit, but keep smoking (yep, I just said that, you heard correctly), and pick out a brand new quit date that allows the full effect of Chantix to be in your system since it wasn't yet today just ramping up to it. I do think it will make a difference, and I do know it's different for everyone. For me, Day 13 was my lucky day when I knew, just knew, that I was as ready as I was going to be.
I do believe strongly in having a drop dead no matter what quit date so that you don't convince yourself to stretch it out too ridiculously far (not that any of us would do anything sneaky like that, of course!), but until then, just keep getting psyched up for it. Even though I still had two entire days left that I was "allowed" to smoke before my drop dead quit date, I didn't want to - the Chantix had kicked in enough, and I was just finally ready.
That moment is just around the corner for you, so please, just keep going until you get there. I know that you can do this!
And I still think your sister rocks! What incredible support you have!
Oh, and about not having your Capri's - I think that's kind of hilarious in a look back on it and laugh some day kind of way ;)
Don't quit quiting! Pick a new date and try again!
You are stronger then the cigarettes!
Yeah.. certainly don't give up. It seems there are a lot of people who quit later than Day 8.
I was never a water drinker before I decided to quit. By Day like 4 of my quit I was drinking like 10-15 of those 24 oz bottles of water a day. Every time I wanted to smoke I took a drink of water. I also pretended to smoke a little straw.. sure I looked silly but hey it worked for me.
Bay, I'm just saying hello and hoping you weren't too hard on yourself throughout the day. Keep taking the Chantix, pick a new date and keep on posting ;)
You guys are so, so, so, so, so, SO sweet and helpful! Thank you!
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