Chantix Day 26; Quit Day 6
I made it through another day. I have to be honest and confess that I really wanted to smoke today. I just miss it. I can't explain it. I know, on the logical and reasonable side of my brain, that I have made it through the hardest part in terms of nicotine withdrawal.
On the other hand, I just really want a cigarette.
Part of me longs to actually try one to see if it is as repulsive as some of those later cigarettes were. I mean, in the Chantix scheme of things, some of those last cigarettes just tasted like mud.
But that was, like, only for the last couple of days before I quit. What if... I mean... I mean, for 22 years, cigarettes were heaven on earth. What if I smoked a cigarette, and it tasted great? Would I kick myself? Oh, heck, yeah, I would! I loved smoking. Why did I give this up? I'm crazy.
I'm depriving myself of something I loved!
What is wrong with me?
On the other hand, I look at the bucks racking up on the QuitMeter. At ten dollars a day (or thereabouts), I've already saved $60 easily by not smoking in the last week.
That's cool.
Ten dollars a day. That's *cool*.
But I haven't seen that ten dollars a day yet. Somehow I keep spending it on ... chips and chocolate and lamb chops.
(OK, the lamb chops were totally worth it, as were the marinated asparagus. OMG. I need to share that recipe. The asparagus rocked!)
I do think I'm eating less. That's strange for me. I am not drinking as much; I'm not eating as much; I'm not smoking at all. ... Excuse me, but what is my reason for living?!?!
Seriously, I'll calm down. Or not. Whatever. But tomorrow is my one-week anniversary without smoking, and honestly, right now, what I really want to do to celebrate is... have a cigarette.
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2 comments:
Hang in there, Bay. You are doing great. It's normal for someone quitting smoking to wish they could smoke - otherwise this would all be too easy! The awesome thing is that today until bedtime, you just don't have to because you can make it another day at a time like you've been doing. I do understand wishing I could sometimes. Thankfully, those moments do get fewer and further between. Keep going!
I was sitting in the car at a convenience story during lunch. My hubby went inside to get me some gum (why doesn't the dang GUM industry subsidze Chantix???? All us recent quitters are probably keeping those fools afloat). Sorry - I digress. Anyway, from my vantage point I could see all the beautiful colorful cigarette packages. You know when you're hungry and get a stomach cramp? It was like I had a BRAIN cramp. But it only lasted for a split second and then I was happy with my gum.
Personally - I think they'd taste absolutely wretched.
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