Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Spoiled & feeling guilty


I'm feeling a little strange.

It's kind of like... almost like... I'm ... sort of ... almost ... *spoiled*.

I am not wealthy. In fact, I started taking Chantix and quit smoking because I wanted to save moolah.

Sometimes I go shopping and complain inside my head about how everything costs more now than it used to.

My dear husband Wesley -- who has supported me and the kids for 20 years almost non-stop -- makes more now than ever before, yet we seem to have less and less money available for non-essentials. And even the essentials are becoming more difficult to handle. I'm gonna have to get a loan to take care of all our dental needs this year. And that's ... very upsetting.

Still, we're so much better off than some people, and I can't help but marvel at how serendipitous it all seems when you think about it.

Tasina posted this article --
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071119/ap_on_re_us/food_pantries_shortage_2

Food for thought, eh?

In the meantime, I have 8 days of Chantix left on this month's prescription, and I'm pretty sure I'll buy at least one more month of the stuff.

But I'm beginning to worry. A non-smoking friend of mine asked me about how things were going on Chantix, and I was telling her that I still have my unsteady and needy days. Then I thought, "Do I really?" When was my last really needy day? I don't remember.

My sister Amy -- or Iron Woman, as I call her -- quit smoking using nothing more than a nicotine patch, and she didn't even stay on it as long as some people do. When she started forgetting to put on a new patch, she quit putting them on. And she still didn't smoke.

In the meantime, I am a little scared to stop the Chantix.

Then my friend asked, and I happened to mention that I love the vivid dreams. My mother died 14 years ago, but when I dream about her, it's like she's still here. And y'all, honestly, my mama was my best friend. I miss her a lot. So with these extra-vivid Chantix dreams, if I dream about Mama, it's *really* cool.

So now I have to worry that I'm addicted to the vivid dreams. ARGH! No one should have to give up tobacco *and* her mama in the same calendar year!

Oh, well. I guess I'll figure it out right around the time I stop taking the Chantix, huh?

3 comments:

Tasina said...

It is scary to quit taking the Chantix. I went about it kind of like Amy did - I just kept forgetting to take it, so I quit. You know best whether or not you need another month - I miss the dreams too. Now all I get are falling down the stairs nightmares. :(

Anonymous said...

Bay, things do cost more. Unfortunately, paychecks for so many are the same or less. Things are tight, but I'm grateful, too, that it's not worse (knocking on wood).

On going off Chantix, I think as long as your doctor is OK with it that you should do what seems right for you. Different people are different, and 12 weeks for some works, while I've read that some doctors prescribe up to 24 weeks. I noticed an increase in frequency of urges when I went off Chantix, but they weren't much stronger. Eventually that subsided, too.

I got to visit with my dear mom in my Chantix dreams, too. Broke my heart all over again to wake up, but gosh, it was almost worth it.

Mz Diva said...

I love your blogs! I recently found it through Maggies links...The economy definetly sucks and I think it is going to get worse before getting better but I am hoping that will not be the case! For me quitting smoking is giving me about an extra $130 dollars a month! Thats a lot of extra cash! I'll bet you quitting will definetly contribute to the dental fund.
I wish I got to experience all the cool and vivid dreams I am reading about in other posts. I could get into having that type of side effect. Thanks for posing and have a great Thanksgiving.
Peace,
Diva