I keep starting posts and not finishing them. I really hope I finish tonight's post, because it's significant. Especially if you're one of those new readers who's trying to find out how Chantix might help you.
I have not smoked in 10 weeks and 3 days.
More significantly -- tonight, at least -- today, I didn't even *think* about smoking.
Not once.
Not until I was checking my email and thinking about the podcast that I was listening to. (They were talking about candy corn on How Much Do We Love. Love that!) Out of the blue, it occurred to me, "I didn't even think about smoking today."
I didn't even think about how long it had been since I had had a cigarette. (That's the 10 weeks and 3 days part.) I keep patting myself on the back about not smoking.
But it has honestly gotten to the point that if my cell phone alarm didn't chime twice a day, I would not remember to take the Chantix.
Just a few days ago, when I picked up my fourth month's allotment of Chantix pills, I was bragging to the pharmacist excitedly.
Today, I'm wondering, "If I totally forget I was ever a smoker... does that mean I've really quit?"
Bolstering my resolve is Tasina's report that a lungful of smoke tasted awful after her little slip-up. I had been wondering about that. Sometimes I really would like to smoke again. Sometimes I get a whiff of smoke and think, "Oh, that smells delicious." But I remember what smoking tasted like the last few days before I quit [with Chantix]: I thought, "Gah, this tastes terrible," and "Why, WHY am I smoking if I get nothing out of it???"
If it was that bad on just 20 days of Chantix, what would it taste like now on 93 days of Chantix?
And... OK, I have to admit that I like the look of admiration that I perceive in my husband's eyes. He was never very vehement or violent about my smoking. He was never mean about it, or derogatory. But I know he was disappointed when I tried to quit and went back to smoking. I know he was.
My children? OMG, they can't even remember that I used to smoke or that I have quit now. I do need to repaint the house, because they have started asking, "Why does the house smell like a hotel room?" ARGH.
But that's a project for another non-smoking day. For now, I just have to say -- I have made it 10 weeks and 3 days, and for a while I actually forget about smoking. Considering that I smoked two packs a day for 22 years... I think this is a freaking miracle.
Thank heaven for Chantix.
Thank heaven.
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3 comments:
hi bay - i shouldn't be up but i am. i was sad that the scrapbooking party threw you for a loop. it was fun and you made it that way! i love reading your posts on the CS Forum. hang in there and GREAT JOB quitting. it's not an easy thing to do. i'm sure very soon it will be all you, not the chantix, doing the stopping. umm....not sure that all made sense. maybe i should go to bed...
see ya!
KnitterPam in Franklin!
Bay, wow. That is just amazing. I am always so inspired whenever you post because I know how tough it was for you, but here you are, still smoke-free. You get as much credit as the Chantix, but I do agree that it makes all the difference. You are awesome. Keep going!
You're always calling me a rock star when really I'm a dork (a clumsy dork, at that).
YOU are the rock star.
Also, I don't know about some of the other bloggers, but it seems that you, Maggie, and I have also been blessed with some really understanding menfolk. (Which in no way, shape, or form means that any of the three of us admit to being wrong about anything - ever...it was just an observation!)
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