I am -- scattered.I don't know if it's the Chantix. I don't know if it's quitting smoking. I don't know if it's that I'm 40 years old. All I know is that I am more than a bit scatterbrained since I started taking Chantix.
The image here is a flipped scan of some unmounted rubber stamps. Those of you who do not craft, stamp, papercraft, or scrapbook are wondering what the heck the purpose of this stuff is. It's ... more cost and space efficient than traditional wood-mounted rubber stamps.
I have stacks of these things in my house, the result of a 7-year- obsession with everything Club Scrap. Late last week, a Club Scrap member posted on the email loop that she was searching for the "Kit for a Cause" unmounteds. I told her I had them, and five days later, I finally sent her a scan of the rubberstamp sheet that you see in this blog post.
It took me five stinkin' days to send her a scan that took me five minutes to accomplish and re-size for email.
And then she wrote back to me and said, "Those are the 'Reach Out' kit UM's. I was looking for the 'Kit for a Cause' UM's, but thank you so much, anyway, and I'll keep looking."
Seriously?
The moment she said it, I knew she was right. I *do* have the Reach Out UM's. I *don't* have the "Kit for a Cause" UM's. Sure, both of 'em were for charity, and both of them were wonderful, warm sentiments and images -- but how on earth could I -- *I*, an obsessed and rabid Club Scrap fan -- how could *I* confuse the two?? And spend *days* being confused? And actually *scan* the wrong UM's and send a picture days late to the person who wanted to buy the retired and much adored UM's in question?
I think it's the Chantix.
The other side effect of Chantix that no one warned me about was -- I think I'm generally happier.
As in, not quite as clinically depressed as I've been for so much of my adult life.
I love therapists and I hate drugs, so I spend a lot of time denying my basic underlying depression. I'm a glass-half-full kind of person, but things always get out of hand when I'm not looking.
Since I've been taking Chantix, I've been cleaning the house. I let housecleaning slide most of the time. It's so easy to give up on it. I mean, if you clean something up, it just gets dirty again. What's the point of making the beds? Someone's just going to go sleep in it and get it all rumpled again in a few hours.
But for the last few weeks -- I've been doing the most amazing things. Mopping the kitchen floor every few days. Sweeping all the wood floors every day. Tidying up bird cages, moving boxes of bottles to better storage facilities, and heck, yesterday, I moved the couch and swept *under* it. This is not something I *do*. Unless I've lost one of my favorite pens.
And cooking -- I've been reborn. I know Maggie's talked about all her cooking efforts on her fabulous blog, but honestly, for the last year, I have been in the most severe and uncompromising rut about cooking. I cooked dinner for 20 years. I got good and tired of it. My entire family knows -- after months of training -- not to ask the worst question in the world, "What's for dinner?" I can go berserk over such a horrid question. Don't ask. If there's a dinner in front of you, that's what's for dinner. If there isn't, well, find something else. And do not risk the Wrath of Bay by asking me what I'm going to cook. I can't stand making that decision....
Except that for the last couple of weeks, deciding what's for dinner and then making it has been enormously satisfying. Roast beef, pork chops, or my beloved steamed broccoli with lemon zest and balsamic vinegar -- I'm perfectly happy with dinner these days. It doesn't feel like the insurmountable chore that it felt like three or four months ago.
Maybe it's the Chantix. Maybe it's just coincidence. I don't know.
Oh, that reminds me. I really don't smell or taste things better than I did before quitting. I keep wondering if that's going to improve. I do feel better, and my mouth tastes better when I wake up in the mornings -- but other than that, the only benefit from quitting that I can discern is... I'm saving money.
And that's cool. I'm OK with saving money.
It makes up for being stupid and cleaning house all the time.
1 comment:
Bay, I'm cooking and cleaning, too, and I assure you that this is not who I was. I'm a whole new me. The cleaning might be in part due to the move in May, but continuing to keep up with it and even enjoy it along with the whole cooking thing is nutty. And I'm off the Chantix, so it might even stick. Good to be both happy and not smoking at the same time, isn't it?
I smell things more, but taste hasn't changed, even if the two are connected. I still think my taste never did get dampened from smoking because I surely never noticed.
Scatterbrained? Yah, but I've been that way from way back ;) Most recently, I paid a bill out of a bank account that I no longer use and that has no money in it. That was fun. I looked like a deadbeat even if I'm not, and I'm just glad the bank charged me the $25 or whatever instead of letting the sucker bounce because that would have been less fun. No clue how I managed not to notice this time, but I did.
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